Lately I’ve been having a crisis, of sorts, and it echoes Bono’s soul-rending, wailing lyrics: “But I stiiiiiiiilll haven’t found what I’m looking for.” Maybe it’s because I am nearly half a century old – maybe. But, it’s more likely on account of that’s the way I’m wired. I find it difficult to be still, literally and figuratively.
Call me Ms. Antsy Pantsy, if you will, but I have never been quite satisfied with the same old-same old, day in, day out. NOT when there is a whole, wide world out there, beckoning – demanding, even – exploration.
While I’m some days shy of 50, a seven-year-old girl drove that point home, recently. So, it’s not really an “age thing,” now is it? Some weeks ago, I hosted a children’s party (something I have been doing in Manila for nearly two decades – have you SEEN the scale of children’s parties on these shores? It’s pretty crazy; but that’s another story, entirely) and something the celebrant said gave me pause. I asked her to pick a “favorite random anything” for their team name, and, without much of a second thought, really, she looked me squarely in the eye and exclaimed, emphatically: “But I can’t pick a favorite anything! I like too many things to have one favorite anything!!!”
“I hear you, sweetie, loud and clear, and I get you,” is what I wanted to say.
While we may have our inclinations and preferences, I am of the opinion that we should not be hard-pressed to pick just one or the other.
Where is all this coming from, this esoteric-yet-all-encompassing musing? Well, like I said, I am having a crisis of sorts. You see, as we get older, social constructs dictate that we “should have found our path,” and that “we should have all our ducks in a row.”
I laugh in the face of social constructs. I eat them for breakfast.
Spice up your life
Speaking of eating, would you pick bland food over a tasty meal? I think not. Why, then, should it be any different when it comes to your life? “Variety is the spice of life” – a saying, which, for the most part – is worth its weight in gold.
Take your pick from white, rose, pink, red, green (also known as electrum), blue, purple, or black gold. I never knew there were so many types of gold, each as beautiful as the other. And let’s not even get started on carat options.
Yes, variety is key to spicing most everything up: food, friendships, relationships and marriage (as long as variety doesn’t mean different partners!), hobbies, entertainment; just about anything! And the only way to experience this variety is to get out of your comfort zone and try something new. Start with the small things, like a restaurant menu or getting a different coffee concoction than your usual iced hazelnut latte or what-have-you.
Rage against the machine(s)
Same concept holds true for what you choose to do in life; rather, what you choose to do with life. And herein lies the dilemma. We are supposed to do certain things at a certain age, and definitely to “be someone” on-or-before turning half a century. From the time we enter and graduate college and the career path we eke out for ourselves, to the time we get married, have Baby #1, then Baby #2, all settled in a white-picket-fenced home – all dictated, demanded by external factors.
Why, though? Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we allow others to do this to us?
While I am not saying to tear down all the constructs and live in a society where free-for-all is the new norm, I am saying to ease up on the pressure and preconceptions and allow yourself to truly savor life in all its fullness. I am saying to defy the expectations, if these infringe on your own personhood.
So you’re 50 and you don’t have the job of your dreams? So you’re 35 and not married? So you’ve been in college longer than most? So you chose not to go to college in pursuit of something else? So you’re happy with the simple life? So you still haven’t found what you’re looking for?
So what? Maybe this is not a crisis, really.
Maybe we weren’t meant to completely find what we are looking for in life. Maybe we are meant to keep searching – after all, this is what keeps life interesting and makes us feel most alive, is it not? Maybe the trick is to learn how to be content with where we’re at, wherever we’re at. Content (and grateful), yes, but not fully satisfied. There is a difference; a pretty huge one.
All we can do is seize the day, really, one day at a time – in all its fullness and flavor.
 
By ANGIE DUARTE